pressured

tangina bigla ako napressure gumawa ng post!!!

I haven't "blogged" for quite some time now... personal reasons... I thought it was pathetic for me to post stuff in here which are irrelevant to read... I posted things here simply because I cannot get my work published in any other place. Kaya sa blog na lang. My own little haven for my ego. My solace.

Eh putangina kahit ako ayoko basahin mga pinagpopopost ko dito eh!!!


so I stopped... Ocassionally pag tumatambay ako sa Starbucks bigla ko kukunin yung magic green notebook ko and write and write and waste pages just to place my thoughts in... a ruddy excuse just so I can make pacute to those hanging there (recommended place: Starbucks Discovery Suites, sa may Ortigas. Wala halos tao, madami pa sa mga pumupunta mga cutie na Koreana!) Ü

So anyhow I suddenly got pressured...

This bloke friend of mine, NED PARFAN, who is making a name for himself as a good blog writer and reviewer of sorts, must be renovating his page right now since when I went to his blog (drag-on-fly.blogspot.com), none of his posts are showing up. I'm sure Ned will have something nice to show us when I see his blog again.

Then Bam. I noticed a change which I was so fucking sure na wala sa page nya before.

HE PLACED MY PAGE SA LINKS NYA!!!

Oh fucking God. Slowly for the past months I've been trying to get over the fact that I am not a writer, that my experience and training is not enough for those BIG people to teach me, that I am simply wasting my time and space and kilobytes in the internet posting senseless stuff that for all I know only less than 5 people have read in it's existence, then Ned places my page in the links!

Which means that I am now susceptible (yes tama spelling!!! hindi nag red underline!!!) to other surfers na trip lang mag-click at mag-click ng mga links sa blog ng iba.

No offense Neddybear. thanks sa pag-post ng link sa blog ko but... I don't know... I guess since never pa na post pangalan ko sa site ng kung sino suddenly i felt the urgency to make it more... presentable...

(At this very moment I can hear writers screaming at me: EH TANGINA KA NAMAN PALA EH!!! SINCE KELAN KA BA NAGSULAT PARA PASAYAHIN ANG AUDIENCE?!!! SINCE KELAN BA NAGSULAT ANG TUNAY NA MANUNULAT TO PLEASE AN AUDIENCE?!!!)

I'm not sure... I never believed that writers never please their audience... they still do... even if the audience are themselves alone... Whenever a writer writes, he dreams of seeing it on the layout and ready to be printed. and writes what he wants to see there.

Basta I suddenly felt so... unaccomplished. Incomplete. Para bang wala akong natapos.

And now I just need to write something.