something I wrote for Kat Encarnacion

THE DAY THAT CAME UPON HIM




Finally the day came – he knew long before that that day would arrive. He had hoped that it would not be anytime soon, although even ten years were too fast for him. He imagined what it would be like if that day was to come knocking on his door; would he see it from afar on its way towards his home to give him ample time to prepare at least, or would it surprise it just when he was taking a relaxing nap. He never knew. But now he did.

He had been waiting for her for almost half an hour when she arrived. The delay wasn’t so bad – he arrived fifteen minutes earlier than the time they agreed upon so it meant that she was only fifteen minutes late. He saw her walk into the bookstore, and since he was in no mood to be coy he immediately walked up towards her. Offering to take her bag he tried to welcome her with a little hug, or to put her arm around her at least, but the moment she gave her bag to him she started walking towards the exit.

“Let’s go,” she said.

It had been like this the past days. At work whenever he tried to show any gesture of sweetness she would either get irritated or not respond at all. At home when he texted her, she barely replied. Then after many attempts he finally found out that whenever he sent a joke she would actually respond; then after a couple of messages she would say goodbye and not text for how long he never knew.

When she agreed to watch a movie with him at Megamall he became hopeful again. Finally she said yes, he thought. For the first time in his life he felt nervous before going on a date. So nervous that he even bought a new red shirt and perfume just so she wouldn’t have anything to say about his outfit or what he smelled like.

When they got out of the bookstore and headed for the escalator, she paused for a while and asked for her bag. Rummaging through her things she got her cellphone and zipped the bag and started walking again.

“Who are you texting?” he asked, even if he already knew the answer.

“Ryan.” she answered monotonously. She didn’t even bother to look at anywhere else when she answered. she was too engrossed texting as she walked along. Seconds later still while texting he noticed that she was starting to smile.

He knew from the very beginning that she had a boyfriend. She and that Ryan guy had been going on for years already before he met her at the office. It just so happened that when she and Ryan encountered a few roadblocks on their relationship, he was there to rescue her. But now that she was able to fix things between her and her boyfriend, he would soon have to move out.

While going up the escalator and just as she stopped texting (she probably had sent her usual “Did u hav ur dinner n? Lov u babe! Il txt u l8r k?” message to Ryan), he tried opening a conversation with her. While talking she gave him a certain look, grinned and said, “Bata ka pa talaga. You act like a child.”

He was a kid – maybe too young for her. He was still 19 while she was already in her mid-20’s. He was just a kid and that’s why he acted like one and talked like one. She told him before when they were just starting to get to know each other that “for a person your age, you’re so mature.” Nowadays she never says anything like that anymore. At the back of his mind he knew that the though he can be childlike in some ways, the way he spoke and the way he acted was still far more mature than guys his age, maybe even guys her age. And he was childlike, not childish, unlike some yuppies he knew.

When they got to the third floor where the cinemas were located she started texting again. He asked her what movie she wanted to watch and she just nodded towards the poster of an action flick. A few minutes later after he bought tickets he went back to her and just then they ran into some friends of hers. Immediately she kept her cellphone and started giggling and chatting with them. She seemed so enthusiastic when she met those other people and completely ignored the whole world, even her cellphone. Even him. After a few minutes of talking she finally said goodbye. “Sige na, mauuna na ako. Manonood pa ako ng movie nitong ka-opisina ko eh.” With an introduction like that he decided to approach her friends and introduce himself cordially.

Later while walking towards Cinema 9 where they were supposed to watch the film he started asking about her friends.

“Barkada?”

A nod.

“College?”

“Yup.” she answered, then she pulled the cellphone off her pocket and checked if there were any messages.

“You haven’t seen each other for a long time now?”

“No! We see each other at least once a week. Gina, the tall one, was with me here the other day and Macky, the short one, went shopping with me last week.”

“Macky? You mean the girl in blue?”

“Yeah. Why? You like her?” For the first time that day she looked at him in the eye.

“Huh?!”

“You like her? She’s pretty naman eh. If you want I can give you her number.”

“Wha-? No! No I don’t want her number!”

“It’s ok if you like her,” she said. “I mean, I don’t care. I got a boyfriend, you know.”

That phrase stumped him. She’s got a boyfriend, you know, he thought to himself. She’s got a boyfriend so she couldn’t care less. She’s got a boyfriend that’s why it’s ok if he sees other girls. He is not a loss.

So they entered the cinema and watched silently in the darkness. Every two minutes or so she would pull her cellphone up, and would text Ryan or whoever would text her. Just to get her to notice him he pulled his phone up and miscalled her; she responded by saying, “Epal. Papansin.” when she read his name on the miscalled list.

“Just wanted your attention…” he murmured.

“Don’t try that drama bit with me,” she snapped.

He let out a huge sigh. Things weren’t like that when they started out as friends. She used to be so talkative and she always laughed at his jokes, no matter how corny he was. She used to be amazed with his ideas and his stories and with everything there was in him – he felt the same way towards her. When he called her up and said that he was starting to have feelings towards her, she couldn’t hide the joy in her voice. Although she did tell him that she loved her boyfriend very much and there was no assurance that she would be able to reciprocate his affections, he said it was ok. She didn’t need to return the favor – just accept it. It was ok with him.

It was ok with him. Was. But now he’s not so sure. Because she was not accepting the love he is showing her – she was rejecting it. And what’s worse was he was in no position to demand. After all, he was just an officemate.

Suddenly she stood up. “Excuse me,” she told him, “Ryan is calling. I have to go outside.” So he hoisted himself from his seat and let her pass. Then, as she left him in the darkness of the movie house, he got the instinct to rummage through her things, got a pen and a piece of paper, and started writing.

It took her around ten minutes before she got back. This time he did not stand up to let her through – he just allowed her to pass in front of him. And in silence they watched – or at least he did while she continued texting – the remainder of the movie.

She never allowed him to take her home. Whenever they came from work or a night out, she would only allow him to hail a cab for her and then it’s goodbye. Once she allowed him to ride in the cab up to a certain point where she would be safe enough and he got off. But today it was only up to the cab station and there they parted ways – her going home up to the high mountains of Antipolo while he went down to the smoggy streets of Quezon City.

Just as she rode the cab he handed to her a piece of paper. “Read it when you get home,” he said, and there he shut the door and waved goodbye. She didn’t hear it, but from his lips she knew that he gave an “I love you”, just as he did everyday before they parted ways. She also knew that he noted at the back of his mind or in his cellphone the license plate of the cab, just in case something happened.

In the cab she opened the paper, and there was a letter he wrote while he was in the cinema and she was outside talking with Ryan. He said there that things were no longer the same between them. She no longer laughed with him or shared any stories with him nor did she call him every morning or send him a goodnight text. He said there that she was either too tired or in a hurry for him.

Also in that letter he apologized. He apologized for being too young for her and for being too passionate about life and too idealistic. He apologized for not having a car to drive her home and for being too nosy about stuff he shouldn’t have bothered to know about her. He apologized for not coming in her life earlier than her boyfriend – otherwise it would have been him in his place. For being jealous of the attention she gave to other people. And he apologized for tearing a piece of paper in her notebook to write her a letter while waiting for her.

But in that letter he also said that he would never leave her, that he loved her still, and he didn’t care whether she showed affection towards him or not. He said that he knew this day, the day when he would begin to feel neglected and when he would be hungry for her love, would come. He had long prepared for this day, and now he’s ready to tell her that he will stay by her side, maybe not as a significant other but maybe just someone she could run to when she needs someone. He still wanted to ask her out next time, but only as a friend. He said that Ryan was a lucky, lucky bastard, and if ever she and Ryan do get married, he would be there at the church to shake the man’s hand. He said in that letter that he’s not letting go; he’s just accepting reality and he doesn’t care whether he goes single for life. He will commit himself to her even if she’s with somebody else. He said in the letter that he knew that that commitment was stupid, and he may give up soon, but he said he’d rather try than not do anything at all. He said in the letter that he loved her so much, and she’s the only one who has made him once in his life happy.

And finally, he said in the letter that one day, one day in the future, he’d get to make her happy. And when he does, he’d die a happy man for her.

She closed the letter and slid it in her bag. She thought of the days she always spent with him and told herself that she was lucky to have someone like him. She asked herself why had he not come earlier. She wondered what would it have been like to allow herself to be hugged by him, to be kissed by him. She wondered how his eyes would look if she said I love you to him. In the cab she prayed to herself that hopefully one day he’d understand that she did not want to be cold to him – she never wanted to be rude to him or anything. She just wanted him to go away naturally and look for another person to make him feel they way he makes her feel.

#